UO Body & Mind: Sex Education with Dee Whitnell
UO Body & Mind opens up conversations around the importance of both physical and mental relationships. Through sharing stories from our UO Community we want to break taboos and celebrate individuality. We spoke with Dee Whitnell, Accredited Sex Educator, on the importance of LGBTQIA+ sex education and the things they wish they had been taught growing up.
UO Body & Mind Panel Talk hosted by Dee Whitnell featuring Milly Evans, Max Hovey and Nicole Gleeson
Tell us about yourself, how did you get into your career as a qualified RSHE educator?
I was always the person in school that kids came to ask questions about sex, plus I was the first to have my period and the first to have sex, so people saw me as someone to go to for advice and information, which funnily enough I had none of! It was only during lockdown that I truly began to question my very little knowledge of sex, sexuality, gender and identity which was sparked by a gender crisis. It was during lockdown that I began my Instagram page - @s3xtheorywithdee - and began not only teaching myself but educating others on the things I was learning. However, I realised quickly that I couldn't teach people without being qualified in what I was educating and advocating for, it wouldn't be right for me to do, so I underwent an RSHE (relationship, sexual health education) qualification via Acet Esteem and my Master's in Gender, Sexuality and Culture.
What was your sex education like at school, if you had any?
I received one class on puberty during primary school (age 10) and then received the classic 'banana on a condom' lesson during Secondary School, and that was it - that's all I got folks! I remember these lessons being awkward, uncomfortable, particularly on behalf of the person leading the session (who seemed to not want to be there) and left me with more questions than answers.
5 things you wish would be taught in sex education today?
1. I wish young people learnt firstly that sex is funny, messy, silly and isn't as glossy as it is in porn. Sex can be (and should be) a fun experience, but it can be messy and smelly and you may get the giggles during, but that's all ok!
2. PLEASURE! Yes, sex isn't only for procreation - you can enjoy sex… shocker! Sex education has historically avoided the conversation about pleasure in fear of promoting sex to young individuals, however in doing so they have made sex scary, intimidating and make young people feel shame for enjoying sex and self-pleasure. Teaching that sex is pleasurable and should be pleasurable is vital.
3. I wish young people learnt about different types of sexualities, including asexual and aromantic identities to help demystify the idea that everyone is constantly thinking about sex and wanting to have sex 24/7.
4. I'd love to see more lessons on active consent, not simply 'no means no' but 'yes has to be enthusiastic and ongoing'. Consent can be taken away and understanding that consent must be ongoing and active is vital to keeping young people safe.
5. Finally, I wish young people were taught about sex from an inclusive and neutral stance. Rather than gendering things that do not need to be, such as periods or relationships, using neutral and inclusive language when teaching sex education means everyone feels represented and receives the education they deserve. Everyone deserves sex education, it's a human right, and that means education that is trans and non-binary inclusive.
What's one thing you wish you could teach younger you about sex, gender and sexuality?
That sex isn't scary but it is okay to be nervous - I've found through my own experience, but also my experience of teaching in schools that young people are terrified of sex because they have not received sessions that demystify those fears and prompt positivity, or normalise these feelings of anxiety. Learning about sex should be fun (and giggles are ok because sex is a weird thing right?), it should be a lesson that young people are excited about rather than fear or feel anxious about. Sex itself shouldn't make a young person feel overly anxious, a touch of anxiety is okay because that's totally natural when trying something new but if we unlearn and stop teaching this belief that the first time you have sex is a huge scary event, then young people won't feel as anxious for their sexual debut.
Where can we go to or look for info about inclusive sex education?
You can check out my content - @s3xtheorywithdee on IG & TikTok or @S3xtheorydee on Twitter
Brook is a fabulous sexual health and wellbeing organisation that provides inclusive sex education online and on IG and through workshops, as well as providing sexual health advice, contraception and other sexual health services. I truly adore Brook and its groundbreaking work within sex education for young people.
If you'd like to see online content from individual educators and activists, @rubyrare, @itsmillyevans, @max_hovey, @big.c.energy, @loxleysexology and @hannah_witton are just a few, but Instagram is full of amazing content creators and educators who inform from different angles of sex education.
What does the word ‘queer’ mean do you?
Queer is a word that I stumbled across accidentally in 2020 whilst on Instagram during lockdown, it's a word I had only heard in passing in old movies to mean 'strange and unusual', but when I found it in 2020 it became a word I now hold close to my heart. Queer to me encompasses every element of myself, my gender identity, sexuality, expression, moral compass, ethics and my day-to-day existence. Queer is not only my comfort label, something that provides warmth and safety, but it is a label that pushes me to fight for my rights as a non-binary queer individual, it's a label jam-packed with history both past and present, it's revolutionary and that's why I adore it.
3 LGBTQIA+ creatives you’d like to spotlight and why…
Milly Evans (they/she) - Milly is a young queer, autistic, ADHD accredited sex educator who creates amazing sexual health and educational content on their Instagram and Tiktok, she also has an amazing book 'Honest' which does exactly what it says on the tin - provides young people with honest information about sex, gender and identity.
Bima Loxley (they/them) - Bima is a qualified queer sexologist, therapist and sex educator, providing a world of resources on Instagram covering topics from the very basics to the really deep-level insight into gender, sexuality and sex. Their infographics are super simple and accessible for all kinds of folks and I truly learn something new from them daily.
Rudy Jean Rigg (they/them) - Ruby is an activist and educator on queer history via Instagram and shares infographics ranging from pronoun usage to the history behind the binder via their second page @rainbowhistoryclass. I really enjoy Rudy's content and again, I learn something daily from them.
What media do you wish you’d have access to or watched when you were growing up?
Instagram and the folks creating content on sex, gender, sexuality, and identity really did change my life in regards to not only my understanding but also my own personal journey - if I had had Instagram at age 12, perhaps I would have understood that my feelings of gender confusion were valid; that I wasn't bisexual but queer; and that condoms aren't the only method of protection. However, I also want to ask Instagram to allow us educators to create our content without fear of censorship or being shadow-banned or removed from the app - sadly phrases that we need to discuss are not 'friendly' to IG, hence why my handle has a '3' rather than an 'e'. Instagram is perhaps the most accessible educational tool that the youth have on hand 24/7, but the app itself must support educators further and allow us to fill the gaps that in-class sex education is still missing.
How do you practise self-care?
I enjoy being outside in nature, going for long walks and basking in the sun. Sometimes it's easy to get lost on your phone and to doom-scroll till your heart's content (which it never is) - taking time away from social media (particularly as it's my job) is a really good reset for me.
What advice would you give your younger self?
That it's okay to not have all the answers - and even when you think you know something inside out, you'll learn something new about it and surprise yourself. It's okay to be wrong about something, particularly as things we know about sex, gender and sexuality change nearly daily.
I was always the person in school that kids came to ask questions about sex, plus I was the first to have my period and the first to have sex, so people saw me as someone to go to for advice and information, which funnily enough I had none of! It was only during lockdown that I truly began to question my very little knowledge of sex, sexuality, gender and identity which was sparked by a gender crisis. It was during lockdown that I began my Instagram page - @s3xtheorywithdee - and began not only teaching myself but educating others on the things I was learning. However, I realised quickly that I couldn't teach people without being qualified in what I was educating and advocating for, it wouldn't be right for me to do, so I underwent an RSHE (relationship, sexual health education) qualification via Acet Esteem and my Master's in Gender, Sexuality and Culture.
What was your sex education like at school, if you had any?
I received one class on puberty during primary school (age 10) and then received the classic 'banana on a condom' lesson during Secondary School, and that was it - that's all I got folks! I remember these lessons being awkward, uncomfortable, particularly on behalf of the person leading the session (who seemed to not want to be there) and left me with more questions than answers.
5 things you wish would be taught in sex education today?
1. I wish young people learnt firstly that sex is funny, messy, silly and isn't as glossy as it is in porn. Sex can be (and should be) a fun experience, but it can be messy and smelly and you may get the giggles during, but that's all ok!
2. PLEASURE! Yes, sex isn't only for procreation - you can enjoy sex… shocker! Sex education has historically avoided the conversation about pleasure in fear of promoting sex to young individuals, however in doing so they have made sex scary, intimidating and make young people feel shame for enjoying sex and self-pleasure. Teaching that sex is pleasurable and should be pleasurable is vital.
3. I wish young people learnt about different types of sexualities, including asexual and aromantic identities to help demystify the idea that everyone is constantly thinking about sex and wanting to have sex 24/7.
4. I'd love to see more lessons on active consent, not simply 'no means no' but 'yes has to be enthusiastic and ongoing'. Consent can be taken away and understanding that consent must be ongoing and active is vital to keeping young people safe.
5. Finally, I wish young people were taught about sex from an inclusive and neutral stance. Rather than gendering things that do not need to be, such as periods or relationships, using neutral and inclusive language when teaching sex education means everyone feels represented and receives the education they deserve. Everyone deserves sex education, it's a human right, and that means education that is trans and non-binary inclusive.
What's one thing you wish you could teach younger you about sex, gender and sexuality?
That sex isn't scary but it is okay to be nervous - I've found through my own experience, but also my experience of teaching in schools that young people are terrified of sex because they have not received sessions that demystify those fears and prompt positivity, or normalise these feelings of anxiety. Learning about sex should be fun (and giggles are ok because sex is a weird thing right?), it should be a lesson that young people are excited about rather than fear or feel anxious about. Sex itself shouldn't make a young person feel overly anxious, a touch of anxiety is okay because that's totally natural when trying something new but if we unlearn and stop teaching this belief that the first time you have sex is a huge scary event, then young people won't feel as anxious for their sexual debut.
Where can we go to or look for info about inclusive sex education?
You can check out my content - @s3xtheorywithdee on IG & TikTok or @S3xtheorydee on Twitter
Brook is a fabulous sexual health and wellbeing organisation that provides inclusive sex education online and on IG and through workshops, as well as providing sexual health advice, contraception and other sexual health services. I truly adore Brook and its groundbreaking work within sex education for young people.
If you'd like to see online content from individual educators and activists, @rubyrare, @itsmillyevans, @max_hovey, @big.c.energy, @loxleysexology and @hannah_witton are just a few, but Instagram is full of amazing content creators and educators who inform from different angles of sex education.
What does the word ‘queer’ mean do you?
Queer is a word that I stumbled across accidentally in 2020 whilst on Instagram during lockdown, it's a word I had only heard in passing in old movies to mean 'strange and unusual', but when I found it in 2020 it became a word I now hold close to my heart. Queer to me encompasses every element of myself, my gender identity, sexuality, expression, moral compass, ethics and my day-to-day existence. Queer is not only my comfort label, something that provides warmth and safety, but it is a label that pushes me to fight for my rights as a non-binary queer individual, it's a label jam-packed with history both past and present, it's revolutionary and that's why I adore it.
3 LGBTQIA+ creatives you’d like to spotlight and why…
Milly Evans (they/she) - Milly is a young queer, autistic, ADHD accredited sex educator who creates amazing sexual health and educational content on their Instagram and Tiktok, she also has an amazing book 'Honest' which does exactly what it says on the tin - provides young people with honest information about sex, gender and identity.
Bima Loxley (they/them) - Bima is a qualified queer sexologist, therapist and sex educator, providing a world of resources on Instagram covering topics from the very basics to the really deep-level insight into gender, sexuality and sex. Their infographics are super simple and accessible for all kinds of folks and I truly learn something new from them daily.
Rudy Jean Rigg (they/them) - Ruby is an activist and educator on queer history via Instagram and shares infographics ranging from pronoun usage to the history behind the binder via their second page @rainbowhistoryclass. I really enjoy Rudy's content and again, I learn something daily from them.
What media do you wish you’d have access to or watched when you were growing up?
Instagram and the folks creating content on sex, gender, sexuality, and identity really did change my life in regards to not only my understanding but also my own personal journey - if I had had Instagram at age 12, perhaps I would have understood that my feelings of gender confusion were valid; that I wasn't bisexual but queer; and that condoms aren't the only method of protection. However, I also want to ask Instagram to allow us educators to create our content without fear of censorship or being shadow-banned or removed from the app - sadly phrases that we need to discuss are not 'friendly' to IG, hence why my handle has a '3' rather than an 'e'. Instagram is perhaps the most accessible educational tool that the youth have on hand 24/7, but the app itself must support educators further and allow us to fill the gaps that in-class sex education is still missing.
How do you practise self-care?
I enjoy being outside in nature, going for long walks and basking in the sun. Sometimes it's easy to get lost on your phone and to doom-scroll till your heart's content (which it never is) - taking time away from social media (particularly as it's my job) is a really good reset for me.
What advice would you give your younger self?
That it's okay to not have all the answers - and even when you think you know something inside out, you'll learn something new about it and surprise yourself. It's okay to be wrong about something, particularly as things we know about sex, gender and sexuality change nearly daily.